My daughter was hit hard by the flu this week.  There's nothing worse than looking at your child's face, and knowing there's a fever raging inside that little body.  However, thank God, the fever and flu are gone!  I know when I hear the words, "I'm bored" and "Can I have my favorite salad?" that the tummy feels better!  And so does Mommy.  As I walked by my cute pillow this morning, I realized I feel like he looks!  I want to smile from ear to ear that my little girl is all better!  I thank everyone (especially Jamie, Irene and Nana) for bringing us the things she needed, and was touched by all those who called to offer heart-felt prayers and well wishes.  There's no better words that a Mom can hear when homebound with a sick child than, "I'm at the store, what do you need?"  Oh, that's such sweet music to my ears! Again, thank all of you!

We just returned from celebrating our daughter's 8th birthday at the Apple Farm.  She could have chose to feed the dolphins at Sea World, but God bless her, she chose to celebrate this special occasion at Mommy's favorite place! If you've never been to the Apple Farm, it's a charming Victorian inn located in San Luis Obispo.  The moment we arrived, we were greeted by gardens of hydrangeas and white impatiens so tall and full, they looked like mounds of snow on the ground!  Their gardener of 20 years, Joe, is amazing!  I marvel at his hard work every year.  The inn's lobby is warm and cozy, offering hot apple cider and home-made cookies every evening.  My husband and I were married down by the old water wheel over 16 years ago.  Kim, who planned our wedding at the inn, arranged to have a yummy chocolate birthday cake with eight candles waiting in our room when we arrived.  We've never been to a "hotel" that is more cozy and charming than the Apple Farm.  These past two days were a sweet gift for all of us!  

(applefarm.com)

 

As many of you may know, I'm a Simpleton.  Little things make me very happy.  Like placing a bundle of fresh sunflowers (only $3.99 a bunch at Trader Joe's!) in a large pickle jar beside my sink.  And unwrapping a fresh new bar of soap.  The word on the soap says it all!  I'm sure most of us Moms spend most of our time in the kitchen.  Right in front of the sink to be exact!  So each time I reach for a paper towel, I'm greeted by a happy, blooming reminder of Fall.  

This past Monday was like Christmas for me.  How could that be in October, you ask? Well, I woke up with great anticipation and excitement as I knew I would be receiving a gift I had longed for.

My gift was a class I attended at church called Shepherding a Child's Heart (24/7 Family) taught by Chelsea Cameron.  Several of my friends had already taken it last year, and I couldn't wait for the new session to begin.  I sat next to close friends and soon-to-be new friends.  Assembled in this room were 250 women.  We all had one mission -- to become better moms and wives -- with God's help.  Chelsea, the mother of six (!), spoke of her challenges raising a family and being a good wife.  She said something that resonated in my heart.  "I thought I would be good at this job."  So did I.

I never dreamed of being a mom.  I hated to babysit.  I became an aunt when I was seven years old, and saw from a very young age that motherhood was something that actually scared me.  I saw my share of tantrums, interruptions and inconveniences.  Not to mention puddles of vomit (yeck!) and the high fever in the middle of the night. To me, motherhood was the epitome of permanence, and not always the good kind!  And I'm a girl who kind of fears permanence.  Even wallpaper and acrylic nails scare me a bit.  Though I know they can both be taken down and taken off, I still see them as a really big commitment.  Yes, I've done both.  But always holding my breath!

The evening before I was to have my son (he was a scheduled C-section), my parents, husband I and went to dinner.  I think they saw this meal as a celebration before his birth.  I saw it as the last quiet meal before I was a parent for the rest of my life.  I couldn't eat.  When we got home, my Dad took me aside in the kitchen and said, "You're making me a little nervous tonight.  You should be excited you're going to have a baby tomorrow morning.  I don't see that excitement in you."

My very honest response? "How do I know I'm going to like this?  What if I don't?"  I was petrified of becoming a mom for the rest of my life.

Prior to getting married, I worked in a law firm.  This office was basically filled with attorneys who wished they had never become attorneys.  They went to law school, passed the bar and were busy meeting with clients.  But now they were busy meeting with counselors who specialized in finding new careers for unhappy attorneys.  (Yes, there are actually counselors who specialize in this!)  For some reason, I never forgot that.  I saw parenthood as the equivalent of a miserable attorney.  But at least they could change jobs!

But then God, in His infinite wisdom, decided He would give me two children.  He entrusted me -- the girl who feared motherhood -- with the job of loving them, guiding them and teaching them to know Jesus.

These last 10 years of motherhood, quite honestly, have been difficult years for me.  I've had my share of interruptions and inconveniences.  I've had to become selfless.  By far, the most difficult thing one could ask me to become!  The fruits of the spirit -- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Galatians 5:22-23) -- were not always abundant in my new home.  The fruits of the spirit are qualities of character that God grows inside of you.  Well, I was a young mom whose heart contained little fruit.  My "fruit" bowl was pretty empty!

Last May, I began to feel little seedlings beginning to sprout within me.  I had come back from the Calvary Women's Retreat and realized God had been tapping me on the shoulder and whispering in my ear, "be still."  I was so busy and distracted, that I rarely called on Him.  Rather, I tried to do it on my own.  Well, you know what that gets you.

Through new friends I had met at the retreat, I began hearing about Chelsea's class.  Though always full, I dreamed one day about hearing her wisdom and applying it in my home.  Well, that day was Monday.  And as I said, it was a gift from God.  He had hand-picked me to be among those 250 women and hear her inspiring words and reaffirm my belief that "With God, all things are possible."

I came home and told my husband, "I want to become a better wife and mom.  I want you to pray for me."  I let my tears flow.  I let my walls down.   I let the past be history.  As Chelsea concluded, "You have a new book to write."  Well, it's only Day Two of my new book, but as you can see, I've placed an old pair of baby shoes atop my Bible as a daily reminder of all the "baby steps" I have yet to make. 

"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." 

--Psalm 62:5 

Everyone needs a little help now and then.  Well, my trusted "office manager" is always by my side.  Unfortunately, she likes to rest her little chin on my arm while I type!  She thinks she's helping!  Twigs came into our lives three years ago from the Agoura Animal Shelter.  Every time I walked by her cage, she would put her little paw out to touch me as if to say, "Pick me!"  She was so thin that we named her after the skinny model Twiggy.  She's definitely filled out a little since then!

I know it's October when all I want to do is run out to the store and buy Halloween candy to fill my candy dishes.   I bought these milk glass vases last year at thrift stores.  I think I paid no more than $3 a piece.  I even found the old metal tray for $2!  Adding pumpkin suckers, Tootsie Rolls and licorice-flavored candy sticks reminds me that Halloween is only weeks away.  I love when my kids' friends spy this display  in the corner of my dining room.  It always brings a smile to their faces.   And my trick to keeping them full?  Filling them with candies we don't love!  Now, if they were filled with baby Snickers, Twix and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, I'd be filling them up every hour and five pounds heavier!  

Even though it's 85 degrees, I'm still enjoying placing pumpkins throughout my yard.  I love seeing roses and hydrangeas nestled in with plump pumpkins - even if they are made out of old metal!  Sweet!